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Cats
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A Guide to Understanding Your Cat
Action Meaning
Staring at the food dish = Feed Me!
Staring at the cupboard = Feed Me!
Licking the empty bowl = Feed Me!
Looking at you = Follow me into the kitchen and FEED ME!
Looking at your lap = Get up and FEED ME!
Sitting on your head = Wake up and FEED ME!
Scratching at the bedroom door = Wake up, open this door and FEED ME!
Meow, Meow, Meowrrr = FEED ME, FEED ME, FEED ME NOW!
Burp! = Thank You!
Step by Step: How to Wash the Cat
Thoroughly clean the toilet.
Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
In
one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you
may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can grab!
Flush the toilet three or four times.
Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
Stand
behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. The
now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he
will dry himself.
Sincerely,
The DOG
You Know You're a Cat Person When...
You refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litterbox"
You do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair
You consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber
You apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark
You snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down
You sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!
You accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor
You spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids
You decorate your Christmas tree with dangly cat toys
Your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats"
You have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your wallet
You refer to your cat as your furry child
Your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild"
You plan your vacation around the cat show schedule
You accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name
You set a place at the dinner table for your cat
You have a set of towels with "His" "Hers" and "Kitty's" embroidered on them
You call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat
You have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine
You and kitty have matching outfits.
Your spouse says, "Me or the cat!," and there's no hesitation
You never go to the door unless it's to let a cat out
Your favorite friends have fleas
You chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the catbox
You think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal
You own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers
You are lost for conversation with non-cat people
You meow so well, you confuse the cats
You bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between 9-Lives and Amore...at length
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